How to get your ass kicked at #RougeRoubaix2014 and have a blast in the process:
1) Keep offseason training to a bare minimum. Better still if you can go into it 15-20 pounds overweight.
2) Talk one of your very best friends into doing it with you.
3) Stay up way too late the night before passing a bottle of Templeton Rye around the campfire with your 4-6 new friends.
4) Get dropped early. This is key, to make sure you don’t get tempted to actually compete.
5) Stop and take pictures. The Felicianas are beautiful, but if you don’t take pictures your severely exhausted brain won’t remember many of the sights.
6) Get dirty. It’s not a proper Rouge if you don’t crash in the dirt at least once.
7) Stop for a selfie at the top of the day’s longest climb.
8) At mile 90, break into a fit of delirious laughter because the “paved” road you’re on is largely indistinguishable from the last gravel section.
9) Finish. Whatever you do, finish. Even DFL is preferable to DNF.
10) Know that whatever you might have told yourself during miles 70-100, you will absolutely be back next year.